Just Desserts
by I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Summary: D'Void wears the pants in the Null Void. All of the pants.


I don't own anything from Ben 10. How hard it is to keep this guy in character for more than five minutes? Answer: Hard! Or perhaps I am simply lazy.

One day, in the seemingly endless and bleak confines of the Null Void, hunky conqueror, D'Void, also known by anyone else with cognitive processing skills and eyes as Doctor Animo, woke up in his fabulous citadel slash mansion, and felt a mite peckish.

"I'm hungry and I demand COOKIES," he snarled loudly. He stood up and made a very dramatic pose, clenching his fist within the air.

But no one was around to see him do it, so he felt a little weird afterwards.

He picked up his DIGITAL CLOCK and checked the time. It was Poo-Diddly Squat FKUC-4LL 001 pm. He frowned at it.

"What the shit is this even doing here, CLOCKS DO NOT WORK IN THE NULL VOID!" He angrily threw the clock. It smashed into the wall.

After taking time to smooth his perfect hair back once again, he viewed his surroundings. He spotted his awesome Hugh Hefner robe laying draped across a chair. He took it. He put it on.

"Now I look like a total pimp," he said proudly. "I am going to slap some hoes."

After declaring such, he walked from the bedroom and descended the spiral staircase that was carved out of the bones of dragons. Or alien dragons. Or whatever kind of reptiles with large bones they might have been. Feel free to use your imagination, if you have any. Thinking is hard.

As he reached the middle to last step, his foot squished on something nasty and cold, and a little sharp. He screamed in time with whatever it was, which also screamed. The scream was loud enough to shatter the nearby windows, which were made of stained glass.

"Aaaaah, fuck!" D'Void yelled. His shrieking Null Guardian baby-daughter thing was sobbing hysterically, having been trampled by his wayward footing. "Stop, please! Stop screaming! Stop crying! My ears will surely bleed!" he shouted in an attempt to drown out the hideous noise. It did not. The baby-daughter thing proceeded to vomit acidic spew onto his foot in revenge. "OW!"

D'Void hopped on one foot while holding it. He lost his balance and tumbled down the stairs. The sadistic omnipotent baby Null Guardian creature laughed at him.

"That's it!" D'Void screamed in rage. "I am going to fucking murder you dead!"

He got back and chased the evil creature back up the stairs as it shrieked and cried hysterically. He didn't catch it before two other full grown Null Guardians blocked his path.

"Out of my way, I command it!" he yelled at them. They didn't move. Instead, they opened their mouths and vomited in his face. He wiped it off quickly while coughing and gagging at the stench and wincing at the painful burn. "Why do you oppose my control? I'm D'VOID! I AM AWESOME!"

The Null Guardians did not think so. They laughed in his face and telepathically communicated that his outfit was stupid, and so was his hair. D'Void's mouth dropped open in complete shock.

"No, I'm cool! You don't understand!" he sobbed. "This is my big moment. I'm...awesome!" He collapsed to his knees, emotionally wounded by the jarring statements against his rebooted persona.

The Null Guardians grunted at him. They motioned to the ugly little baby-thing that he had, for whatever reason, decided to adopt and treat like a schmoopy princess instead of a weapon of mass destruction and chaos.

"That's YOUR baby?" D'Void developed newfound strength at the premise of no longer being forcibly attached to the baby-thing. "By all means then, take it away! Far, far away."

And the larger Nulls did. But not before spewing once again, as a family unit, into D'Void's unreasonably handsome face. Still, he didn't mind, for once, despite the intense burning, and he waved at the trio as they left.

"Goodbye! Don't forget to write!" he called, as he wiped away a single tear. It was from the acidic residue in the monster's bile, not because he cared, or anything. "Now I can get some hoes and order them to bake me cookies."

D'Void snapped his fingers. A bunch of Null Guardians flew in and swirled around his presence obediently.

"You all will go out and fetch me some fine bitches! Bring them back to my quarters, so that they may serve their unquestionable lord and master, D'Void!"

He snapped his fingers again, in a spicy Z-motion, and the Nulls flew out to do their work.

"Now I shall rest upon my magnificently toned buttocks, upon my kingly throne," D'Void declared, seconds before he sat where a throne should have been, had be commissioned one to be built. So, instead he fell to the floor. "Oh, damn it."

He laid on the floor, with his head rested upon one hand, and his elbow on the floor, or however that anatomical position goes, and stared pensively at the other wall.

"I have all this power, and yet I feel quite unfulfilled in some way," he muttered. "I need to get more material possessions for my awesome crib. Perhaps I shall have one of the slaves, or a dozen, build me a solid gold toilet. I don't even know if this place has gold, but it'll be fun to watch the slaves try and do it anyway." He threw back his head and laughed an evil laugh. "I really wish I had some cookies."

At that moment, the Null Guardians flew back in and deposited their captured slave babes onto the floor. Most of them were weird looking alien females that weren't conventionally attractive in the normal sense, but they had that Star Wars erotic vibe that turned on all the xenophiles. And one was a human woman, who had long, flowing, red hair, pale skin, and freckles. I won't go into detail on her clothes, for the moment that happens, she will be instantly granted the powers of an omniscient being. And we don't need another one of those right now.

D'Void smiled. "You all will make me some cookies! Now!" He snapped in their collective direction and gestured towards the kitchen. "And make sure they're delicious!"

"We don't know how to bake," one of the women said while frowning and appearing very scared for her virginity, but at the same time, a bit curious.

D'Void looked very intense and moody, and even more scary. He made little squinty eyes. "Well, you'll learn. Or face the consequences!"

One other woman winced while trembling behind the other in front of her. "Full life consequences?" she inquired timidly.

"YYYYEEES!" D'Void bellowed. He raised his arms.

The women fled into the kitchen squealing in terror. The sounds of pans scattering and cabinets being rummaged through could be heard moments later. D'Void looked smug. Soon, he would have many tasty cookies.

After two hours of waiting, with no results, D'Void became increasingly inpatient. He got up and walked to the kitchen.

"I had better find cookies when I walk into this kitchen, or all of you are going to get an ass whipping like nobody's business!" he roared.

When he came into the kitchen, he found a huge mess, and a baking tray with what looked like it could possibly, but maybe not, be some cookies on it. The women looked scared and were crying. One of them was dead on the floor. It was probably from exhaustion, or perhaps suicidally induced fear trauma.

"What the hell happened here?" D'Void questioned with a fair amount of confusion. "You couldn't even bake some simple cookies?!"

The women sobbed hysterically while holding onto each other. "We didn't have any ingredients but a bunch of random leftovers, and that weird glowing yellow rock stuff!" they cried. "Please, don't kill us!"

D'Void raised an eyebrow several increments in measure once he heard about the yellow glowing rock stuff being baked into some hodgepodge hoe cookies. That was essentially the equivalent of pot brownies to him. He grabbed the baking tray. "Gimmie!" They cowered in fear and recoiled. D'Void looked over the cookies. They weren't too bad looking. They smelled okay. But how did they taste? Well, he quickly ate one, and found out. They were, "AMAZING!" he yelled. They were full of kormite, the magical mineral that made him into a ridiculously buff badass superhuman evil tyrannical lord king. So they only made his strength more potent. And also he got totally wasted off about three cookies.

"THE NULL KING REIGNS SUPREME!" D'Void shouted, before he stumbled against the counter and burst into a fit of giggles. He waved away the frightened hoes. "Okay, you hoes can leave now. I want more slaves summoned to me, so that they can build me a solid gold TOILET!" He snapped his fingers. The hoes ran. More Null Guardians entered his domain and waited patiently for orders. They had to wait for D'Void to stop laughing hysterically at nothing. "Okay, you guys, you're gonna go get me some slaves. I'm gonna make them build me a solid GOLD TOILET even though I can bet none of them are plumbers. HA HA. PLUMBERS! I hate those guys." He burst into laughter again. He snapped his fingers, failing the first time. He snapped them again. This time he made the sound. The Null Guardians left to do their jobs.

D'Void fell to the ground, still laughing hysterically. He grabbed his sides, everything was so funny.

"Damn, those were some good cookies," he laughed. "I wonder if this is all a dream, and I'm still in jail, back on Earth."

And it very well could have been, but it wasn't in this story

.D'Void woke up and heard a lot of yelling from outside. He groaned and began to walk to the door. He reached the door and stepped outside, and went down the stairs. He saw, who else...Ben Tennyson...and all the Plumber's Helpers, and the rebel forces.

"Ah, so it was a dream. But not the dream I was expecting," D'Void stated. "That was a really weird dream, though."

Ben ran up to where Doctor Animo was. "Hey, Animo, are you still a doctor?" he yelled.

"Huh?" D'Void asked while looking confused.

"You're supposed to say WHAT, you dip!" Ben yelled again.

"I'll say whatever I want, and there's nothing you can do about it this time, Tennyson," retorted D'Void. Or if you prefer, Doctor Animo. "I am all powerful and Godlike right now."

"Yeah, and I have the Omnitrix," Ben responded, before turning into Humungousaur, and beating the shit out of D'Void by smashing him with his fist into the cement.

"That didn't hurt, stupid. I'm invulnerable," D'Void sneered, as he stood back up, looking without a scratch on him. He kicked Ben in the crotch.

"OW, MY GIANT DINOBALLS!" Ben-mungousaur, or Humungou-Ben yelled. He fell backwards and collapsed to the ground, in a giant pile of rubble, with an extremely loud smashing sound.

Doctor D'Voidamo laughed. "I'm finally going to kick your ass, Ben Tennyson!"

Ben laughed definitely. "That's sounds like something that will never happen, Animo." He changed into Big Chill, and when D'Void tried to punch him, it went through.

"Hey, stop that! No fair!" D'Void shouted.

"Nope," Ben Chill said, before he jumped into the drill-furnace.

"Oh no, my grandson and savior of the universe just committed suicide!" Grandpa Wrench exclaimed.

"You idiot, he went Big Chill before falling into the opening," responded D'Void.

"Oh," responded Max. "Well, that's okay then." He raised his battle stick up and twirled it. "So...how you been?"

D'Void glared at him. "I've been having a long and shitty week. Beating you should make me feel a lot better. Let's fight!"

But, shockingly, Max punched D'Void in the face and it really, really, REALLY hurt. That was because Ben had iced up the drill-furnace and shut it down, ruining all of D'Void's power absorption and strengthening at that moment.

"On no, I'm weak as SHIT again!" D'Void cried out helplessly beneath Max's powerful and much stronger grip, as he held him down.

"Don't worry, Animo, I'll take good care of you, and nurse you back to your old self," Max cooed into his ear. "I'll help you get off the drugs with my 22 step program. All 22 steps involve my penis going into your butt, and it's really sexy."

"Aaaaah, not again!" D'Void groaned before passing out on the ground.

"Hey, I can't get back up, my wings are stuck together!" Ben yelled up from below. "Little help here?"

"You'll have to wait, Ben. Grandpa's busy," Max said loudly, before pulling down D'Void's pants.

"This is the kormite filled cookies I smoked, right? It has to be," D'Void mumbled incoherently. He let out a shocked yelp when he felt an invading finger in his orifice. They were very cold. "AH, IT'S NOT A DREAM!"

"Relax, it's only a spoon," Max told him.

"Spoons don't GO in there!" D'Void reasoned.

"Neither do penises," Max moaned into his ear, "But it still works out in the end. Ha, get it? The end."

D'Void groaned harder at the bad pun. "End the story already. I'm starting to like all this molestation against my will. And you know where that will lead."

END (?)


End file.
